Don’t Underestimate St. “Lose-is” even in Bizzaro World

In the thriving city of Metropolis, a certain Kryptonian, who gets his powers from our yellow sun, works as a journalist for “The Daily Planet” while moonlighting as a superhero wearing his red underwear outside his pants with a cape. For many, many years, he’s always been fighting one of three different villains:

1) Someone trying to take over the world.

2) Someone taking Lois Lane hostage.

or

3) Someone trying to spread Communism.

Our hero has fought many enemies ranging from deranged bald dictators-to-be to alien computers from another planet to a leprechaun looking thug (best voiced by Gilbert Gottfried) who can only be killed by making him say his name backwards.

One of these villains our hero fights is Bizzaro Superman. For those of you who don’t watch Seinfeld, Bizzaro Superman comes from Bizzaro World, where “hello” is “good-bye” (or “bad-bye” -- no one’s figured it out) and “good-bye” is “hello.”

To get a better taste of Bizzaro World let’s look at the two 0-8 teams in the National Football League as of today, Nov. 9, 2007.

Miami

What was once a great NFL dynasty has now been reduced to rubble. So many NFL and SuperBowl Titles gathering dust on the shelf, all the while the ’72 season is being threatened by the ’07 Patriots. Ever since anger-management bound Dan Marino retired in 1999, the program has just plain sucked. Dave Wannstedt (The ‘Stache) tried for four seasons to make it work from 2000-04, before Nick Saban (Satan’s minion) took over for just two seasons after leaving an entire religion in Baton Rouge. Now even first year coach Cam Cameron entered the hot seat after botching the first-round of the NFL draft taking a speedy wide-out with a foot problem over a hot-shot quarterback who had proven himself. These guys can’t win.

(Side note: For those of you who know The Saints Guy personally, which may be weird since he’s remaining in anonymity for the time-being, you would know he boldly predicted to many Tiger fans when Saban took the job that he would not only be coaching in the college ranks again within five seasons, he’d also be coaching an SEC West school. Nostra-Saints Guy, maybe?)

St. Louis

Now being dubbed “St. Lose-is” by The Saints Guy, here’s another team that has produced winners in recent years. It doesn’t seem long ago when Kurt Warner was hoisting the trophy over his head, and we all thought we were witnessing the birth of the Rams Dynasty. Of course this was all before the Texans joined the NFL creating an 8-conference league, and the Saints were in the same division as the Rams getting beaten nearly every time they played.

On the opposite side of the Bizzaro fence are teams like New England, the Colts, Tampa Bay -- guess who-- New Orleans -- all teams who have experienced such terrible decades of sub-par play who are now eating greener pastures.

I’ll save you the New England/Indy/Tampa talk and focus on New Orleans. A team that is over 40 years old has only chalked up two (you can count ‘em - two) playoff wins in franchise history. It doesn’t matter if you think it’s bad ownership, bad luck or even voodoo (which a lot of New Orleanians actually do), it’s been four decades of crap high-lighted by Aaron Brooks’ backward-pass (yes, backward-PASS) against the Chargers in 2004.

Now enter post-Katrina Saints.

An NFC-South Title, another play-off win, and what has appeared to be a bright future. (Let’s just pretend the 0-4 part has not happened. Okay?) This is something Saints fans have only experienced a handful of times. It’s nice to simmer for a while.

And guess who’s playing this weekend?

Bingo, Saints-Rams.

And guess who’s nervous about Sunday?

Bingo, The Saints Guy.

I never sleep well when the Saints are playing a team they’re favored to beat +11.5. It’s a long history of playing teams you’re supposed to beat handily with New Orleans always finding a way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

My favorite example is in the 2002 season. The Saints start with a 6-1 record (didn’t make the playoffs, by the way) in a polarizing season where everything fall apart after the bye week. Well, who was the blemish on that record before the collapse? A Detroit Lion team led by rookie Joey Harrington. It was his first win as an NFL quarterback.

So excuse me if I’m a little nervous. St. Lose-us is still a decent team that has been ravaged by injury all season long, so don’t think this is a “gimme game.”

And remember, this is still the NFL. “Gimme games” (unless you’re the New England Patriots) almost never turn out the way you like.

Now that I’ve depressed you, I will leave you with this: If this is indeed Bizzaro World, you have nothing to worry about. These are not the Saints of old, and I fully expect a nice victory even if I am nervous.

Welcome to Bizzaro World, New Orleans Saints. Let’s stay as long as we can.

Final score: New Orleans 24, St. Louis 14.