11:55: Here we go to Reliant Stadium. I’ve got a Tombstone Pepperoni pizza in the oven ready for The Clash of the Titans! Chris Rose and Terry Donahue bringing exciting action of two teams who have been plagued for decades by playoff droughts. Oh wait, that’s just
11:56: Donahue just said “He will explode today” about two different players within about 90 seconds. You can’t make this up.
11:57: Texans wideout Andre Johnson is shown suited up. This guy has ruined my fantasy season this year. I thought I was on top of the world this year when I had Rudi Johnson, Andre Johnson and Peyton Manning on the same fantasy team. Now I’m last place. I may set a record for worst wins and losses in a fantasy team with Peyton Manning on the roster.
12:02: Kickoff. It seems Matt Schaub is starting over Sage Rosenfels. I really liked my chances against a guy named Sage Rosenfels. Crap.
12:04: Texans survive a fumble scare on first play from scrimmage. We may be in for a long day.
12:05: Wow.
12:08: Well, now it’s been ruled a fumble. The officials are looking after
12:11: I’m now starting the Terry Donahue “Explosive Words” tally. We’re already at three and we’ve played only a couple of minutes.
12:11: Suck that Donahue. Saints football.
12:12: Reggie Bush rushes for the first two offensive plays of the day. This is being billed as a revenge game for
12:13: No first down to open the day. And I think my brain just aneurismed. They’re sending Olindo Mare out for a 52-yard field goal. There’s no freakin’ way he makes this.
12:14: My God, he nailed it. And The Saints Pup is going nuts.
12:20: Just took the pizza out of the oven.
12:21: “Explosive Word” tally now at four after Donahue talked about
12:22: Andre Johnson burns Jason David for 73-yard TD. 
Of course, I didn’t start Andre today on my fantasy team.
12:23: I just got a text message from the commissioner in my league which said I should’ve started Johnson today. Seriously? I had no idea a top-five receiver in the league would have a big game against the Saints. What was I thinking?
12:27: Drew Brees with the laser throw. First down Colston. Looks like they’re getting away from the run.
12:28: Just as I type that, Mario Williams tackles Bush. (Williams 1, Bush 0)
12:31: Colston saves day again with a great catch for the first.
12:34: Bush down to the 1-yard line and fumbles. (Williams 2, Bush 0) Saints challenge. It’s hard to eat and do this at the same time.
12:37: Donahue is clearly pulling for the Texans, clearly. This is the second challenge he swears
12:37:
12:41: Is anyone else surprised Texans have a pro bowl punter?
12:44: Our cable hiccupped and the Saints huge gain. I actually just saw a little Panthers-Packers. I hope Favre remembered his stem cells this morning. I don’t want the Panthers gaining any ground in the always interesting NFC South.
12:44: Mario Williams nearly mauls Brees. Who wants it more today? (Williams 3, Bush 0)
12:46: Now, it’s 3rd and 1. Please give the ball to Mike Karney. Who else? He has to be a top 5 fullback in the NFL. Seriously, who do you put ahead of him? He’s money on 3rd and short.
12:47: First down Karney. I wish I was getting paid to do this.
12:50: Mario Williams eats Reggie’s lunch again (Williams 4, Bush 0) on the first play of the second quarter. Rose just used the words “sexy stat” about getting “sacks.” Read that back to yourself a few times.
12:51: Colston almost makes catch of the year. Barely falls out of his hands in the endzone.
12:53: Saint tight end Eric Johnson can’t hold on to the pass and it falls right into
12:54: The Earl of Sandwich (Owen Daniels) makes a 20-yard reception. After the hit earlier, he still doesn’t know where he is.
12:56: Neither team can run the ball today. Texans punt. My mouth numb from hot
1:00: 3rd and 2. Brees’ pass to Bush is incomplete. Bush should be playing to kill today. (Williams 5, Bush 0)
1:03: Fox promos Terminator Sarah Conner Chronicles. I’m taking bets on how many shows this jewel lasts. Over-under is at three.
1:04: Fumble by Echemondu! (that’s how I spelled it on my first time-- so close.) It’s actually Adimchinobi Echemandu, and he’s been a spelling bee champion since preschool. (I made that up.)
1:08: Donahue sounds like he’s going to pass out as he reads the Saints O-Line outloud. I’m not even looking for stuff anymore.
1:09:
1:10: Packers ahead of
1:11: Touchdown Devery Henderson! Saints should just throw the ball the whole game.
1:15: The Earl of Sandwich again makes a nice grab for a 24-yard first down. We now have a shot of Daniels on the sideline. He’s thinks he’s been bitten by a radioactive spider. Very next play 20-yard first down to Andre Davis. Secondary? Anyone?
1:18: We should have 900 yards of offense solely through the air by these two teams. And touchdown to tight end Joel Dreesen for
1:23: Colston drops a pass and goes down hard. An entire fanbase holds it’s collective breath. Dr. Donahue says it’s either his leg or the wind is knocked out of him. I hope Fox knows how talented this Donahue guy is.
1:25: Super Mario forces a fumble by Brees, and the Texans recover. Hopefully this is being challenged. (Williams 14, Bush -9)
1:26: The officiating crew gives it back to
1:27: Are the bags under Gary Kubiak’s eyes paper or plastic? (Laaaame.)
1:29: Hey, check this out: “Strief” rhymes with “grief.” Coincedence? (Do I need to tell you who just got a stupid holding call?)
1:30: Joel Dreessen is a third year vet out of
1:30: Here’s a sideline shot of injured
Donahue: "I think they’ll run one more play……….. no?"
Rose: "Just to clarify,
1:37: Halftime. The Saints Guy is going into the attic for the Christmas decorations.
1:52; And we’re back. Near crisis when we (I) couldn’t find the Christmas Tree. Everything okay now. Back to Defcon 1.
1:56: Accountant Donahue is now talking about “huge financial losses” over a third-string cornerback. Where do they find these people for television? Do you just need to show up at the truck at the stadium before the game?
1:57: Offensive pass interference against Colston. You have to be kidding me. Incidental contact anyone?
1:58:
1:59: And they don’t get the first.
2:05:
2:09: Saints can’t convert on the following drive. At least they’re passing. Which is why it took four real-time minutes to get through that while almost no time went off the game clock.
2:17: Donahue has stopped saying “Explosive Words”. Maybe he knew we were laughing at him. Official tally is at five.
2:20: Andre Johnson now has 100-yards receiving. And no, he’s not starting for me today, in case you were wondering.
2:21: Donahue about Dayne: “He’s such a powerful man.” Yikes. I really hope you got to hear the tone of his voice for yourself.
2:22: Here’s a sentence you won’t hear often: “Back-to-back big plays by the Saints secondary.” That indeed was a very nice knockdown by Jason Craft. Laid his entire body out.
2:25: Mike Karney with a first down reception. Please refer to what I said earlier around the 12:46 mark.
2:28: My God, it’s a run by Pierre Thomas. That’s rarer than
2:29: Donahue: “This is not the same team without Deuce McAlister.” Really? You’re telling me there’s a difference when Deuce is physically in the game and when Deuce is not physically in the game? Thanks, Terry!!
2:31: Saint tight end Eric Johnson can’t hold on to the pass and it falls right into
2:35: Schaub attempts a swing-pass to Dayne who was held up by the Saints’ Josh Cooper in the backfield for an incomplete pass. Donahue is pleading for a PI call that he’s not going to get. Apparently, Fox analysts are not required to know that’s legal behind the line of scrimmage. Kubiak is livid. The officiating crew is generous enough to explain its decision over the PA system at Reliant. When did officials being to think coaches deserved an explanation, much less the thousands in attendance?
2:36: It won’t matter because Chris Brown nails 53-yard field goal. It’s now 20-10 with 12:27 on clock.
2:43: Scholar Donahue just used “avoid” as a noun again with 10:27 on the clock. I really think all you need is a working vocal box to become a TV analyst.
2:47: Scholar Donahue gives us this gem as the Saints are getting ready to try to convert 4th and 2: “You don’t run the ball up the middle on 4th and 2.” This is just stellar feedback. Time out Saints.
2:48: How did The Simpsons, King of the Hill, Family Guy and American Dad all avoid the writers’ strike? Anyone else curious? Anyone?2:49: New Orleans 4th and 2. Incomplete pass with 7:17 on the clock. Donahue just sounds gleeful
2:51: New Orleans' Will Smith nearly gets a Schaub sack, who barely gets the ball away…
2:51: Only to complete a 14-yard pass to Andre Johnson for the first down on the very next play. I didn’t start him on my fantasy team today.
2:54: MVP today: Ron Dayne. Has not been great stat-wise, but he made the plays to keep
2:55: Best line of the day by Donahue: “You don’t want to be playing safety with this load coming at you.” Again, you can’t make this stuff up.
2:56: If you’re scoring at home, it’s Mario Williams-178, Reggie Bush-showed up for the game.
2:57: Texans now threatening to score again. Schaub falls forward (not slides) into Scott Shanle. And Donahue is all but begging for a late hit. I wonder if his address can be Googled…. Two-minute warning.
3:01: Chris Brown hits the field goal with 1:57 to go. That’s his third today. Mare would have missed at least two by now.
3:02: I just realized I've been misspelling “Kris” Brown this entire time. It’s so nice to see the NFL letting women play nowadays. You both have come such a long way. (Runs and hides...)
3:04: This line made me yell of the TV:
Donahue: “And remember one of the interceptions by Brees, the ball bounced off of Eric Johnson’s hands for an interception, so it wasn’t the quarterback’s fault.”
Saints Guy: “Both of them did, moron!”
3:05: The Saints are showing no urgency with no timeouts remaining. I think we all thought they had turned the corner.
3:06: Ballgame. Texans win 23-10. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have decorations I seem to have forgotten in the attic.
