Date Night at The Saints House Starring Guy, Babe and... Norm McDonald?

The Saints Guy travels a lot. I’m all over the map, baby. This weekend, I have a road trip coming up for business, so The Saints Babe and I always have at least one date night the week I travel, and we made last night our night. I’ll spare you the intimate details which included a nine-iron, some ice cubes and a stuffed buffalo for safety’s sake.

After dinner (I cook a mean Italian chicken that’s some of the most delicious stuff on the planet, and it’s a recipe I figured out from one of the best restaurants in America.), I elected to heighten the romance by playing one of the best movies you’ve never heard of: “Dirty Work.”

“Dirty Work” stars Norm McDonald (SNL Fame during the “decent” 90’s years) and Artie Lange (Mad TV Fame during the GREAT early years; now with Howard Stern Radio) as friends Mitch and Sam who have done everything they can throughout their lives to not take crap from anyone.

While McDonald and Lange do a great job in the starring roles, the movie has an UN-FREAKIN’-BELIEVABLE roster of cameo appearances throughout including Chevy Chase as a gambling-addicted doctor, Chris Farley as a down-on-his-luck-guy-who-had-his-nose-bitten-off-by-a-Saigon-whore (we’ve all been there), the late Jack Warden as Sam’s father, Rebecca Romijn as a bearded-lady, Adam Sandler (with a bit role as Satan yelling the classic “We eat the pig and together we burn! BURNNNNN!), Gary Coleman, David Koechner and, my personal favorite, Don Rickles as a theatre manager.

(Side note: I know Rickles is old, but he is indeed the greatest insult comic to ever walk the earth. Triumph, Conan O’Brien’s insult comic dog, is a distant second. And I love Triumph. Anyway, Rickles goes off on a minute-long tirade that makes me laugh out loud [like I just did] if I think about it in my head. His mannerisms while talking to Sam as he is explaining his managerial style are absolutely hysterical. I can’t stress enough how important it is you go buy this movie right now.)

Eventually the story goes to the two opening a revenge for hire business which should explain itself. They both have natural talent in “revenge,” and it makes for great comedy because throughout the entire movie they are the “saviors” for the people getting picked on by their, say, bosses or real-estate moguls.

During a scene of dialogue between Mitch (Norm’s character for those keeping up) and the generic-fairly-attractive-lady (played by generic-fairly-attractive Traylor Howard-- you’re lying if you say you’ve heard of her), Mitch tells her “There's two kinds of people in this world: Those who get stomped on and those who do the stomping.”

That’s almost the precise look of today’s NFL. This past week we saw what was being billed as “Clash of the Titans” and “SuperBowl XLI½” in the Patriots and the Colts and not a whole lot else.

Not another game REALLY held your attention like that one did. Oh sure, Texans-Raiders, Cardinals-Bucs, Niners-Falcons and Hawks-Browns were close, but I’ll guarantee you weren’t glued to your television like you were for the last ten minutes when Indy coughed up a double-digit lead in the fourth. This was the big regular season game we wanted, and it did live up to the hype.

Indeed, the Patriots and the Colts are the teams doing the stomping in the AFC (especially the Patriots), along with the Steelers who thrashed the Ravens 38-7 on MNF, and the Titans who are unbelievable when they’re quarterback is healthy. In the NFC, while it’s arguable the talent-level is not quite on par, the Cowboys (7-1) and Packers (7-1) are doing the stomping, with Detroit (6-2) not far behind. That’s seven teams legitimately dominating the league.

The teams being stomped? St. Louis (0-8), Miami (0-8), J-E-T-S (1-8), Atlanta (2-6), Cincinnati (2-6), Oakland (2-6), San Fran (2-6) and certainly Denver (3-5), Chicago (3-5) and Philly (3-5). Not far out of the list are Arizona (3-5), the Vikes (3-5), the Panthers (4-4), Baltimore (4-4), the hurt Texans (4-5), awful Seattle (4-4), awful Kansas City (4-4; just got worse), declining Jacksonville (5-3), San Diego (4-4) and Buffalo (4-4) (although the fighting Trent’s have certainly been sparked for the past few of weeks. Too bad he probably won’t play this Sunday). Count them all up and that’s 20 teams that are just plain bad. Let me repeat that. 20 teams are just plain bad.

So who have we failed to mention? That would be the Giants (6-2), the Skins (5-3), Tampa Bay (5-4), the Browns (5-3) and, of course, the New Orleans Saints (4-4). These five teams are at the middle of the pack. Two NFC East, Two NFC South and one AFC North team are all still fighting to be stompers. While the Giants and the Redskins will have some trouble catching the Cowboys, the Browns may be able to catch up to the Steelers if Derek Anderson is as legit as he’s making us believe.

Of course, this web column naturally falls on the Saints, and the Saints we shall talk. The Saints Guy doesn’t even know where to begin telling you how bad the NFC South is this season, and that includes resurging New Orleans. But the biggest difference comes from the fact that New Orleans is playing on a different level right now. Looking back to the 0-4 start, even yours truly was getting nervous. I kept reminding Sly, who happens to be a close friend and a huge Saints fan, how poor our division is. Seriously, how often does an 0-4 team pull back within a half game of the lead in the division before Week 10 of the season? For this phenomenon, two things have to happen:

1) The 0-4 team has to be perfect. Starting so poorly in a 16-game season means you have little room for error if you’ve already messed up. You’ve got to right the ship immediately if you want to have hope. The Saints did just that. They made the right adjustments after the Carolina game and have been all but coasting ever since.

2) The rest of the division has to hiccup. The Falcons have flown the coop. The Panthers are starting David “Ronald McDonald Gloves” Carr. And Tampa Bay has dropped enough to keep it interesting. The Buccaneers are still obviously in control, but it’s not impossible for New Orleans to catch up and win this division. On the surface, you may not think 5-4 TB and 4-4 NO would make for an interesting division chase.

You’d be wrong.

Let’s start with the Bucs’ remaining seven games:

@ Atlanta
Washington
@ New Orleans
@ Houston
Atlanta
@ San Francisco
Carolina

There’s not one game left where you say “Oh yeah, the Bucs are losing.”

Now for the Saints’ remaining eight:

St. Louis
@ Houston
@ Carolina
Tampa Bay
@ Atlanta
Arizona
Philadelphia
@ Chicago

See? Same result. I have actually looked at this schedule and told people New Orleans could win out. (True, Chicago plays great at home in the winter, but this is not a great Bears team.) The same goes for Tampa Bay.

Which is why Sunday, Dec. 2, will be the deciding game for the division. The Saints still have a long way to go but are poised to make this race interesting. Just watch.

And while you’re at it, watch “Dirty Work.” You’ll thank me later.