Defining Brevity: Homecoming with the Saints-Panthers Round 2

Remember how I said a couple of weeks ago The Saints Guy travels a lot? I meant it. Since we had our inaugural Time Line last week, I’ve been on three separate road trips (two business, one personal). The exciting life never ends. So if the web column has been sparse this past week, I promise to refund you the full amount you’ve paid me thus far. No wait, I’ll double it! Double the refund!

What can you say about a 31-6 routing of a divisional rival on their home turf? What do you say to a team that’s 5-6 and playing the division leader at 7-4 with playoff possibilities still in the air?

You don’t say anything. They’re still the Saints. I made the mistake of saying something a couple of weeks ago after the four-game winning streak.

Now?

I’m shutting up.

That’s not saying I’m not excited or pleased or even enthusiastic about Saints-Bucs this weekend in the Superdome. I feel pretty good.

But I’m not saying anything.

I’m going Silent Bob on you. You’re only getting a random sentence or two, and I’m mute for the rest of the way.

Random sentence 1: 5-6 is not a bad place to be, but we REALLY needed to beat St. Lose-us or Houston in these past few weeks.

Random sentence 2: Saying New Orleans-Tampa Bay this week is just a big game is more of an understatement than saying Michael Jackson just innocently slept with those kids at The Ranch.

Random sentence 3: I’ve said it before; I’ll say it again: 9-7 can win the NFC South.

Lastly and on a serious note, rest in peace Sean Taylor. Nobody deserves to go through what the Taylor family and the Redskins (much less the entire NFL) are going through right now. Our thoughts and prayers go out to everyone affected by this terrible tragedy.

Christmas Before Thanksgiving: The Inaugural Timeline

The Saints Babe is clinically insane. It’s the Sunday before Thanksgiving, and she’s decorating for Christmas. And by “she’s decorating for Christmas,” I, of course, mean I’ll be in the attic at some point today getting Holiday stuff down. Let me reiterate: It’s the Sunday before Thanksgiving, and she’s decorating for Christmas. It’s further proof women are all nuts.

So what better way to distract from that fact than with a timeline of today’s game?

11:55: Here we go to Reliant Stadium. I’ve got a Tombstone Pepperoni pizza in the oven ready for The Clash of the Titans! Chris Rose and Terry Donahue bringing exciting action of two teams who have been plagued for decades by playoff droughts. Oh wait, that’s just New Orleans? And they’ve only won two more playoff games than the six-year-old Texans?

11:56: Donahue just said “He will explode today” about two different players within about 90 seconds. You can’t make this up.

11:57: Texans wideout Andre Johnson is shown suited up. This guy has ruined my fantasy season this year. I thought I was on top of the world this year when I had Rudi Johnson, Andre Johnson and Peyton Manning on the same fantasy team. Now I’m last place. I may set a record for worst wins and losses in a fantasy team with Peyton Manning on the roster.

12:02: Kickoff. It seems Matt Schaub is starting over Sage Rosenfels. I really liked my chances against a guy named Sage Rosenfels. Crap.

12:04: Texans survive a fumble scare on first play from scrimmage. We may be in for a long day.

12:05: Wow. Houston tight end Owen Daniels is just sandwiched between Mike McKenzie and Scott Shanle. Injury timeout. Did he just fumble that ball?

12:06: I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m sick of the Philawarepragueacago commercials by AT&T. Just give us a phone that doesn’t drop calls, has internet, can download music and does our laundry, please?

12:08: Well, now it’s been ruled a fumble. The officials are looking after Houston’s challenge. From here on my new 42” VIZIO (Colin Cowherd: That’s V-I-Z-I-O), you can’t tell. This better be ruled inconclusive. And Terry Donahue hasn’t shut up about how he was down before the ball popped out.

12:11: I’m now starting the Terry Donahue “Explosive Words” tally. We’re already at three and we’ve played only a couple of minutes.

12:11: Suck that Donahue. Saints football.

12:12: Reggie Bush rushes for the first two offensive plays of the day. This is being billed as a revenge game for Houston passing him over in the 2006 draft. Maybe you’ve heard about it?

12:13: No first down to open the day. And I think my brain just aneurismed. They’re sending Olindo Mare out for a 52-yard field goal. There’s no freakin’ way he makes this.

12:14: My God, he nailed it. And The Saints Pup is going nuts.

12:20: Just took the pizza out of the oven. Tombstone: the official sponsor of The Saints Guy. (I wish)

12:21: “Explosive Word” tally now at four after Donahue talked about Houston wideouts. First down Texans.

12:22: Andre Johnson burns Jason David for 73-yard TD. Of course, I didn’t start Andre today on my fantasy team.

12:23: I just got a text message from the commissioner in my league which said I should’ve started Johnson today. Seriously? I had no idea a top-five receiver in the league would have a big game against the Saints. What was I thinking?

12:27: Drew Brees with the laser throw. First down Colston. Looks like they’re getting away from the run.

12:28: Just as I type that, Mario Williams tackles Bush. (Williams 1, Bush 0)

12:31: Colston saves day again with a great catch for the first.

12:34: Bush down to the 1-yard line and fumbles. (Williams 2, Bush 0) Saints challenge. It’s hard to eat and do this at the same time.

12:37: Donahue is clearly pulling for the Texans, clearly. This is the second challenge he swears Houston will benefit from.

12:37: New Orleans loses challenge. Donahue is now 1-for-2 on challenges. “Explosive Words” Tally up to five.

12:41: Is anyone else surprised Texans have a pro bowl punter?

12:44: Our cable hiccupped and the Saints huge gain. I actually just saw a little Panthers-Packers. I hope Favre remembered his stem cells this morning. I don’t want the Panthers gaining any ground in the always interesting NFC South.

12:44: Mario Williams nearly mauls Brees. Who wants it more today? (Williams 3, Bush 0)

12:46: Now, it’s 3rd and 1. Please give the ball to Mike Karney. Who else? He has to be a top 5 fullback in the NFL. Seriously, who do you put ahead of him? He’s money on 3rd and short.

12:47: First down Karney. I wish I was getting paid to do this.

12:50: Mario Williams eats Reggie’s lunch again (Williams 4, Bush 0) on the first play of the second quarter. Rose just used the words “sexy stat” about getting “sacks.” Read that back to yourself a few times.

12:51: Colston almost makes catch of the year. Barely falls out of his hands in the endzone.

12:53: Saint tight end Eric Johnson can’t hold on to the pass and it falls right into Houston’s hands. Interception.

12:54: The Earl of Sandwich (Owen Daniels) makes a 20-yard reception. After the hit earlier, he still doesn’t know where he is.

12:56: Neither team can run the ball today. Texans punt. My mouth numb from hot Tombstone pizza.

1:00: 3rd and 2. Brees’ pass to Bush is incomplete. Bush should be playing to kill today. (Williams 5, Bush 0)

1:03: Fox promos Terminator Sarah Conner Chronicles. I’m taking bets on how many shows this jewel lasts. Over-under is at three.

1:04: Fumble by Echemondu! (that’s how I spelled it on my first time-- so close.) It’s actually Adimchinobi Echemandu, and he’s been a spelling bee champion since preschool. (I made that up.)

1:08: Donahue sounds like he’s going to pass out as he reads the Saints O-Line outloud. I’m not even looking for stuff anymore.

1:09: Houston’s Travis Johnson is flagged for a 15-yard facemask. Donahue has now used the word “avoid” as a noun at least three separate times.

1:10: Packers ahead of Carolina 14-3. Keep it up, Fightin’ Favres!

1:11: Touchdown Devery Henderson! Saints should just throw the ball the whole game.

1:15: The Earl of Sandwich again makes a nice grab for a 24-yard first down. We now have a shot of Daniels on the sideline. He’s thinks he’s been bitten by a radioactive spider. Very next play 20-yard first down to Andre Davis. Secondary? Anyone?

1:18: We should have 900 yards of offense solely through the air by these two teams. And touchdown to tight end Joel Dreesen for Houston. Third string. Who is this guy?
1:23: Colston drops a pass and goes down hard. An entire fanbase holds it’s collective breath. Dr. Donahue says it’s either his leg or the wind is knocked out of him. I hope Fox knows how talented this Donahue guy is.

1:25: Super Mario forces a fumble by Brees, and the Texans recover. Hopefully this is being challenged. (Williams 14, Bush -9)

1:26: The officiating crew gives it back to New Orleans. The call could’ve gone either way. This will be longest minute-and-a-half before halftime.

1:27: Are the bags under Gary Kubiak’s eyes paper or plastic? (Laaaame.)

1:29: Hey, check this out: “Strief” rhymes with “grief.” Coincedence? (Do I need to tell you who just got a stupid holding call?)

1:30: Joel Dreessen is a third year vet out of Colorado State. Glad we cleared that up.

1:30: Here’s a sideline shot of injured Houston running back Ahman Green. He seriously looks like he should be an extra in “Pirates of the Caribbean.” If you missed it, you can put the pieces together in your head.

1:31: Ron Dayne picks up a 17-yard reception. Please welcome the newest member of the Brett Favre Youth Health Club. The Saints Guy is dreading going into the attic for the Christmas Tree.

1:35: This exchange just happened:

Donahue: "I think they’ll run one more play……….. no?"

Rose: "Just to clarify, Houston has no time outs remaining."

1:36: Chris Brown hits another field goal. 17-10 Texans.

1:37: Halftime. The Saints Guy is going into the attic for the Christmas decorations.

1:52; And we’re back. Near crisis when we (I) couldn’t find the Christmas Tree. Everything okay now. Back to Defcon 1.

1:56: Accountant Donahue is now talking about “huge financial losses” over a third-string cornerback. Where do they find these people for television? Do you just need to show up at the truck at the stadium before the game?

1:57: Offensive pass interference against Colston. You have to be kidding me. Incidental contact anyone?

1:58: New Orleans 4th and 10. Saints are going for it. I love it. The Saints Babe has informed me I didn’t get everything from the attic. I have no faith that Mare can make two 50+ field goals in the same game. I’d rather see them not get the first than miss a field goal.

1:59: And they don’t get the first.

2:05: Houston 4th and 1. Ron Dayne comes no where close. Saints D steps up big, finally. Why didn’t the Texans pass? They would’ve been guaranteed at least a touchdown.

2:09: Saints can’t convert on the following drive. At least they’re passing. Which is why it took four real-time minutes to get through that while almost no time went off the game clock.

2:17: Donahue has stopped saying “Explosive Words”. Maybe he knew we were laughing at him. Official tally is at five.

2:20: Andre Johnson now has 100-yards receiving. And no, he’s not starting for me today, in case you were wondering.

2:21: Donahue about Dayne: “He’s such a powerful man.” Yikes. I really hope you got to hear the tone of his voice for yourself.

2:22: Here’s a sentence you won’t hear often: “Back-to-back big plays by the Saints secondary.” That indeed was a very nice knockdown by Jason Craft. Laid his entire body out.

2:25: Mike Karney with a first down reception. Please refer to what I said earlier around the 12:46 mark.

2:28: My God, it’s a run by Pierre Thomas. That’s rarer than New England taking a knee with a 37-point lead under two minutes to play.

2:29: Donahue: “This is not the same team without Deuce McAlister.” Really? You’re telling me there’s a difference when Deuce is physically in the game and when Deuce is not physically in the game? Thanks, Terry!!

2:31: Saint tight end Eric Johnson can’t hold on to the pass and it falls right into Houston’s hands. Interception. Didn’t I just type this?

2:35: Schaub attempts a swing-pass to Dayne who was held up by the Saints’ Josh Cooper in the backfield for an incomplete pass. Donahue is pleading for a PI call that he’s not going to get. Apparently, Fox analysts are not required to know that’s legal behind the line of scrimmage. Kubiak is livid. The officiating crew is generous enough to explain its decision over the PA system at Reliant. When did officials being to think coaches deserved an explanation, much less the thousands in attendance?

2:36: It won’t matter because Chris Brown nails 53-yard field goal. It’s now 20-10 with 12:27 on clock.

2:43: Scholar Donahue just used “avoid” as a noun again with 10:27 on the clock. I really think all you need is a working vocal box to become a TV analyst.

2:47: Scholar Donahue gives us this gem as the Saints are getting ready to try to convert 4th and 2: “You don’t run the ball up the middle on 4th and 2.” This is just stellar feedback. Time out Saints.

2:48: How did The Simpsons, King of the Hill, Family Guy and American Dad all avoid the writers’ strike? Anyone else curious? Anyone?

2:49: New Orleans 4th and 2. Incomplete pass with 7:17 on the clock. Donahue just sounds gleeful Houston wasn’t flagged for what appeared to be pass interference. He better thank his lucky stars this game wasn’t in New Orleans.

2:51: New Orleans' Will Smith nearly gets a Schaub sack, who barely gets the ball away…

2:51: Only to complete a 14-yard pass to Andre Johnson for the first down on the very next play. I didn’t start him on my fantasy team today.

2:54: MVP today: Ron Dayne. Has not been great stat-wise, but he made the plays to keep Houston going. (The Earl of Sandwich is first runner-up.)

2:55: Best line of the day by Donahue: “You don’t want to be playing safety with this load coming at you.” Again, you can’t make this stuff up.

2:56: If you’re scoring at home, it’s Mario Williams-178, Reggie Bush-showed up for the game.

2:57: Texans now threatening to score again. Schaub falls forward (not slides) into Scott Shanle. And Donahue is all but begging for a late hit. I wonder if his address can be Googled…. Two-minute warning.

3:01: Chris Brown hits the field goal with 1:57 to go. That’s his third today. Mare would have missed at least two by now.

3:02: I just realized I've been misspelling “Kris” Brown this entire time. It’s so nice to see the NFL letting women play nowadays. You both have come such a long way. (Runs and hides...)

3:04: This line made me yell of the TV:

Donahue: “And remember one of the interceptions by Brees, the ball bounced off of Eric Johnson’s hands for an interception, so it wasn’t the quarterback’s fault.”

Saints Guy: “Both of them did, moron!”

3:05: The Saints are showing no urgency with no timeouts remaining. I think we all thought they had turned the corner.

3:06: Ballgame. Texans win 23-10. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have decorations I seem to have forgotten in the attic.

The Six Words of Doom

“Are they leading on the road?”

The Six Words of Doom. Fox color analyst Tim Ryan (alongside Sam Rosen) said them right after Randy McMichael’s touchdown pass from Steven Jackson (yes, Steven Jackson and his FIRST pass in the NFL) and those six words summed up the game today, and hopefully not the season. You can always feel confident your team's losing if you hear those words.

Of course it would happen against the Saints. Who else? Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Even in Bizzaro world, the Saints still coughed up a winnable game. Even with the fourth quarter rally, The Saints Guy is not pleased. You don’t score on the opening drive, give up 34 unanswered points and call yourself a good team. Of course, I’m a little angry right now because a 1-8 team kept New Orleans out of a share of the NFC South lead. But I digress.

Besides the two crucial interceptions thrown by Drew Brees, three key factors did the Saints in and ruined the winning streak:

1.) The Saints had no semblance of a rushing game. Only 43 yards on only 11 attempts. You’re not going to beat anyone, much less an 0-8 team if you don’t can’t rush for more than 50 yards.

2.) The Rams controlled the ball efficiently. Up until the fourth quarter, the Rams kept the best part of the Saints away from the field -- the offense. St. Louis lead in time-of-possession by nearly twice the amount New Orleans had (39:42-20:18).

3.) New Orleans could not stop the Rams on third down. I’ll leave you with the best example because it felt like it was going on all afternoon: Brian Simmons fires through untouched to sack Marc Bulger for a loss of 9 on 1st-and-10 at the St. Louis 44. After a two-yard run for 3rd-and-17, Bulger found a way to connect with Torry Holt to keep the drive alive. If you can’t make your opponent punt, you can’t win.

So with all that said, it’s thankfully still the NFC South, and the Saints are now only a full game out of the lead because Tampa Bay is on a bye. Atlanta did beat Carolina 20-13, so it’s still a wide open divisional race.

But just remember this for the future: if the Saints are favored by +11.5 points over an 0-8 team, I’m losing sleep. Like Detroit in 2002, it was a team the Saints should have throttled that did the throttling. And if you ever hear one of the television talent ask The Six Words of Doom again, you can feel confident that team will win.

Let’s see how we’re feeling next week.

Don’t Underestimate St. “Lose-is” even in Bizzaro World

In the thriving city of Metropolis, a certain Kryptonian, who gets his powers from our yellow sun, works as a journalist for “The Daily Planet” while moonlighting as a superhero wearing his red underwear outside his pants with a cape. For many, many years, he’s always been fighting one of three different villains:

1) Someone trying to take over the world.

2) Someone taking Lois Lane hostage.

or

3) Someone trying to spread Communism.

Our hero has fought many enemies ranging from deranged bald dictators-to-be to alien computers from another planet to a leprechaun looking thug (best voiced by Gilbert Gottfried) who can only be killed by making him say his name backwards.

One of these villains our hero fights is Bizzaro Superman. For those of you who don’t watch Seinfeld, Bizzaro Superman comes from Bizzaro World, where “hello” is “good-bye” (or “bad-bye” -- no one’s figured it out) and “good-bye” is “hello.”

To get a better taste of Bizzaro World let’s look at the two 0-8 teams in the National Football League as of today, Nov. 9, 2007.

Miami

What was once a great NFL dynasty has now been reduced to rubble. So many NFL and SuperBowl Titles gathering dust on the shelf, all the while the ’72 season is being threatened by the ’07 Patriots. Ever since anger-management bound Dan Marino retired in 1999, the program has just plain sucked. Dave Wannstedt (The ‘Stache) tried for four seasons to make it work from 2000-04, before Nick Saban (Satan’s minion) took over for just two seasons after leaving an entire religion in Baton Rouge. Now even first year coach Cam Cameron entered the hot seat after botching the first-round of the NFL draft taking a speedy wide-out with a foot problem over a hot-shot quarterback who had proven himself. These guys can’t win.

(Side note: For those of you who know The Saints Guy personally, which may be weird since he’s remaining in anonymity for the time-being, you would know he boldly predicted to many Tiger fans when Saban took the job that he would not only be coaching in the college ranks again within five seasons, he’d also be coaching an SEC West school. Nostra-Saints Guy, maybe?)

St. Louis

Now being dubbed “St. Lose-is” by The Saints Guy, here’s another team that has produced winners in recent years. It doesn’t seem long ago when Kurt Warner was hoisting the trophy over his head, and we all thought we were witnessing the birth of the Rams Dynasty. Of course this was all before the Texans joined the NFL creating an 8-conference league, and the Saints were in the same division as the Rams getting beaten nearly every time they played.

On the opposite side of the Bizzaro fence are teams like New England, the Colts, Tampa Bay -- guess who-- New Orleans -- all teams who have experienced such terrible decades of sub-par play who are now eating greener pastures.

I’ll save you the New England/Indy/Tampa talk and focus on New Orleans. A team that is over 40 years old has only chalked up two (you can count ‘em - two) playoff wins in franchise history. It doesn’t matter if you think it’s bad ownership, bad luck or even voodoo (which a lot of New Orleanians actually do), it’s been four decades of crap high-lighted by Aaron Brooks’ backward-pass (yes, backward-PASS) against the Chargers in 2004.

Now enter post-Katrina Saints.

An NFC-South Title, another play-off win, and what has appeared to be a bright future. (Let’s just pretend the 0-4 part has not happened. Okay?) This is something Saints fans have only experienced a handful of times. It’s nice to simmer for a while.

And guess who’s playing this weekend?

Bingo, Saints-Rams.

And guess who’s nervous about Sunday?

Bingo, The Saints Guy.

I never sleep well when the Saints are playing a team they’re favored to beat +11.5. It’s a long history of playing teams you’re supposed to beat handily with New Orleans always finding a way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

My favorite example is in the 2002 season. The Saints start with a 6-1 record (didn’t make the playoffs, by the way) in a polarizing season where everything fall apart after the bye week. Well, who was the blemish on that record before the collapse? A Detroit Lion team led by rookie Joey Harrington. It was his first win as an NFL quarterback.

So excuse me if I’m a little nervous. St. Lose-us is still a decent team that has been ravaged by injury all season long, so don’t think this is a “gimme game.”

And remember, this is still the NFL. “Gimme games” (unless you’re the New England Patriots) almost never turn out the way you like.

Now that I’ve depressed you, I will leave you with this: If this is indeed Bizzaro World, you have nothing to worry about. These are not the Saints of old, and I fully expect a nice victory even if I am nervous.

Welcome to Bizzaro World, New Orleans Saints. Let’s stay as long as we can.

Final score: New Orleans 24, St. Louis 14.

Date Night at The Saints House Starring Guy, Babe and... Norm McDonald?

The Saints Guy travels a lot. I’m all over the map, baby. This weekend, I have a road trip coming up for business, so The Saints Babe and I always have at least one date night the week I travel, and we made last night our night. I’ll spare you the intimate details which included a nine-iron, some ice cubes and a stuffed buffalo for safety’s sake.

After dinner (I cook a mean Italian chicken that’s some of the most delicious stuff on the planet, and it’s a recipe I figured out from one of the best restaurants in America.), I elected to heighten the romance by playing one of the best movies you’ve never heard of: “Dirty Work.”

“Dirty Work” stars Norm McDonald (SNL Fame during the “decent” 90’s years) and Artie Lange (Mad TV Fame during the GREAT early years; now with Howard Stern Radio) as friends Mitch and Sam who have done everything they can throughout their lives to not take crap from anyone.

While McDonald and Lange do a great job in the starring roles, the movie has an UN-FREAKIN’-BELIEVABLE roster of cameo appearances throughout including Chevy Chase as a gambling-addicted doctor, Chris Farley as a down-on-his-luck-guy-who-had-his-nose-bitten-off-by-a-Saigon-whore (we’ve all been there), the late Jack Warden as Sam’s father, Rebecca Romijn as a bearded-lady, Adam Sandler (with a bit role as Satan yelling the classic “We eat the pig and together we burn! BURNNNNN!), Gary Coleman, David Koechner and, my personal favorite, Don Rickles as a theatre manager.

(Side note: I know Rickles is old, but he is indeed the greatest insult comic to ever walk the earth. Triumph, Conan O’Brien’s insult comic dog, is a distant second. And I love Triumph. Anyway, Rickles goes off on a minute-long tirade that makes me laugh out loud [like I just did] if I think about it in my head. His mannerisms while talking to Sam as he is explaining his managerial style are absolutely hysterical. I can’t stress enough how important it is you go buy this movie right now.)

Eventually the story goes to the two opening a revenge for hire business which should explain itself. They both have natural talent in “revenge,” and it makes for great comedy because throughout the entire movie they are the “saviors” for the people getting picked on by their, say, bosses or real-estate moguls.

During a scene of dialogue between Mitch (Norm’s character for those keeping up) and the generic-fairly-attractive-lady (played by generic-fairly-attractive Traylor Howard-- you’re lying if you say you’ve heard of her), Mitch tells her “There's two kinds of people in this world: Those who get stomped on and those who do the stomping.”

That’s almost the precise look of today’s NFL. This past week we saw what was being billed as “Clash of the Titans” and “SuperBowl XLI½” in the Patriots and the Colts and not a whole lot else.

Not another game REALLY held your attention like that one did. Oh sure, Texans-Raiders, Cardinals-Bucs, Niners-Falcons and Hawks-Browns were close, but I’ll guarantee you weren’t glued to your television like you were for the last ten minutes when Indy coughed up a double-digit lead in the fourth. This was the big regular season game we wanted, and it did live up to the hype.

Indeed, the Patriots and the Colts are the teams doing the stomping in the AFC (especially the Patriots), along with the Steelers who thrashed the Ravens 38-7 on MNF, and the Titans who are unbelievable when they’re quarterback is healthy. In the NFC, while it’s arguable the talent-level is not quite on par, the Cowboys (7-1) and Packers (7-1) are doing the stomping, with Detroit (6-2) not far behind. That’s seven teams legitimately dominating the league.

The teams being stomped? St. Louis (0-8), Miami (0-8), J-E-T-S (1-8), Atlanta (2-6), Cincinnati (2-6), Oakland (2-6), San Fran (2-6) and certainly Denver (3-5), Chicago (3-5) and Philly (3-5). Not far out of the list are Arizona (3-5), the Vikes (3-5), the Panthers (4-4), Baltimore (4-4), the hurt Texans (4-5), awful Seattle (4-4), awful Kansas City (4-4; just got worse), declining Jacksonville (5-3), San Diego (4-4) and Buffalo (4-4) (although the fighting Trent’s have certainly been sparked for the past few of weeks. Too bad he probably won’t play this Sunday). Count them all up and that’s 20 teams that are just plain bad. Let me repeat that. 20 teams are just plain bad.

So who have we failed to mention? That would be the Giants (6-2), the Skins (5-3), Tampa Bay (5-4), the Browns (5-3) and, of course, the New Orleans Saints (4-4). These five teams are at the middle of the pack. Two NFC East, Two NFC South and one AFC North team are all still fighting to be stompers. While the Giants and the Redskins will have some trouble catching the Cowboys, the Browns may be able to catch up to the Steelers if Derek Anderson is as legit as he’s making us believe.

Of course, this web column naturally falls on the Saints, and the Saints we shall talk. The Saints Guy doesn’t even know where to begin telling you how bad the NFC South is this season, and that includes resurging New Orleans. But the biggest difference comes from the fact that New Orleans is playing on a different level right now. Looking back to the 0-4 start, even yours truly was getting nervous. I kept reminding Sly, who happens to be a close friend and a huge Saints fan, how poor our division is. Seriously, how often does an 0-4 team pull back within a half game of the lead in the division before Week 10 of the season? For this phenomenon, two things have to happen:

1) The 0-4 team has to be perfect. Starting so poorly in a 16-game season means you have little room for error if you’ve already messed up. You’ve got to right the ship immediately if you want to have hope. The Saints did just that. They made the right adjustments after the Carolina game and have been all but coasting ever since.

2) The rest of the division has to hiccup. The Falcons have flown the coop. The Panthers are starting David “Ronald McDonald Gloves” Carr. And Tampa Bay has dropped enough to keep it interesting. The Buccaneers are still obviously in control, but it’s not impossible for New Orleans to catch up and win this division. On the surface, you may not think 5-4 TB and 4-4 NO would make for an interesting division chase.

You’d be wrong.

Let’s start with the Bucs’ remaining seven games:

@ Atlanta
Washington
@ New Orleans
@ Houston
Atlanta
@ San Francisco
Carolina

There’s not one game left where you say “Oh yeah, the Bucs are losing.”

Now for the Saints’ remaining eight:

St. Louis
@ Houston
@ Carolina
Tampa Bay
@ Atlanta
Arizona
Philadelphia
@ Chicago

See? Same result. I have actually looked at this schedule and told people New Orleans could win out. (True, Chicago plays great at home in the winter, but this is not a great Bears team.) The same goes for Tampa Bay.

Which is why Sunday, Dec. 2, will be the deciding game for the division. The Saints still have a long way to go but are poised to make this race interesting. Just watch.

And while you’re at it, watch “Dirty Work.” You’ll thank me later.

The World Premiere of The Saints Guy

What a fine time for the Saints Guy to make his presence known - right after Mike McKenzie returns an interception for a touchdown to put the Saints up 31-17 in the third quarter. Lest we forget Drew Brees threw for well over 300 yards in the first half alone. Here’s hoping for the win.

So with the Saints Guy making his first appearance, he’d like to make a few things known for the readers and fans out there in the world. The list is as follows:

1. The Saints Guy is long overdue. With a different kind of “Guy” for nearly every region of the world, no team or organization deserves a “Guy” more than New Orleans. Louisiana is such a special place, not just for those who reside in the great state, but for anyone with an appreciation for good food, hospitality and fantastic football on every level from high school to pros.

2. The Saints Guy prefers anonymity. There’s plenty to be said for someone who will not reveal his identity while providing a service for others. Or mainly just because he’s not getting paid for the gig… yet…

3. The Saints Guy refers to himself in the third person a lot. Like the great Ricky Henderson (born on Christmas Day), the Saints Guy feels his points will get across better by not overusing self-pronouns such as “I” and “me” when making references.

4. The Saints Guy knows you think he’s a knockoff of Bill Simmons (The Sports Guy), but he’s okay with himself. Mr. Simmons is one of the greatest sports writers of The Saints Guy’s lifetime. And since he does such a fantastic job of covering all things Boston (which is ironic because The Saints Guy does favor the Sox and the Celtics (but prefers the Hornets; don’t get him wrong)), The Saints Guy is going to leave those subjects alone as much as possible. And let The Saints Guy make something perfectly clear: he is in no way shape, form or fashion officially affiliated with Simmons or has any intentions of impeding the great work he does.

5. The Saints Guy has “The Saints Babe” and “The Saints Pup.” Expect both to contribute. The Saints Pup is actually sitting next to The Saints Guy right now enjoying this 38-17 lead in the fourth quarter. And The Saints Babe is probably watching DVD’s of “Grey’s Anatomy” in the back. Don’t get her wrong, she loves her Saints, but her attention span is not long enough to sit and watch the entire game. She’ll check in periodically for scoring updates, and when you’re married to The Saints Babe (and believe The Saints Guy when he says “babe” is not an overstatement in the least), you don’t ask for much more.

6. The Saints Guy knows plenty about sports, but has friends who know more. They, too, will contribute, but they won’t know it. Names will be changed to protect the innocent for the time being. Most of The Saints Guy’s friends are indeed Saints fans and offer their own unique prospective.

And, lastly, for those of you reading the fine print, The Saints Guy is not going to really refer to himself in third person nearly this much. It’s only cute for so long.

To give more brief history, The Saints Guy was officially born right after the devastating loss against Carolina at home this past season with The Saints Babe and myself in attendance and The Saints Pup staying at her grandmother’s house. (To answer your next question, there are no The Saints Kids, and Godspeed there are none any time soon.) As we were leaving New Orleans, it dawned on me to retire the Drew Brees jersey I had worn four games in a row (to the tune of 0-4) for the beginning of the season. Since the retiring (only to be used during poker with friends-- it’s actually good luck at the card table), the Saints have rattled of four straight wins; three of which were convincing and two blowouts. And since writing is one of my pleasures in life, it’s the best way for me to give back to the team and fans that mean so much to the NFL and the great state of Louisiana.

So after the brief introduction, we’ll kind of cover what’s going on here. As you’ve probably guessed, this web column will be heavily focused on the New Orleans Saints while other sports and non-sports will be sprinkled in periodically. But the Saints will be the primary concern during the football season.

We’ll have “Timelines” and “Mailtime” (thank you, Mr. Simmons) every now and then for your reading enjoyment. The more you email (saintsguy@gmail.com), the better “Mailtime” will be. Hopefully, enough of you will contribute, and we’ll make this something everyone can like.

With all that, The Saints Guy is signing off for the day. The Saints did indeed hold on for the win, and we’re back to .500 for the first time this season since we were 0-0. There’s a lot of football left to play, and rest assured 9-7 or 10-6 will win the NFC South.