Nostra-Saints Guy: Bold Predictions for an Italicized and Underlined Tomorrow

The Saints Guy is proud to introduce a brand new section of the ever-growing Saints Guy Blog Universe: Nostra-Saints Guy.

For over 150,000 years, Nostra-Saints Guy has been predicting the future from his cave on the bayou. Ever careful with his visions, he has prepared his predictions for the 2008 NFL Season beginning with the AFC. (And the NFC predictions will come later this week.)

AFC NORTH

Winner: Pittsburgh Steelers

The winner for this division was the easy part. The Steelers are proven on nearly every area of the board. They did the right things in the draft by taking Rashard Mendenhall and Limas Sweed. Nostra-Saints Guy also predicts Dennis Dixon will do some good things in the future if he can land on a team without a franchise quarterback.

The only real question mark was the puzzling decision not to give Alan Faneca the money and keep the anchor of the O-Line. It left the door open for the Jets to come in and make him the highest paid offensive lineman in NFL history at five-year, $40m. Had they handled this in 2007, this could have been an even more dangerous team.

Contender: Cleveland Browns/Cincinnati Bengals

It was tough for Nostra-Saints Guy to narrow down the two Ohio teams, so he went the easy way out and picked both. Cleveland showed promise last year, but does one trust Derek Anderson to be a pro-bowl caliber quarterback two years running? And the Bengals are on the verge of losing a pro-bowl wide-out and possibly removing a showboating locker room tumor. Time will tell this one.

AFC EAST

Winner: New England Patriots

Saying the New England Patriots will win the AFC East is like saying Flavor Flav experimented with cocaine at least once in his life. Let’s move on.

Contender: N/A

As tough as it was to pick between two contenders for the AFC North, it was even tougher to pick one in the AFC East. Miami, Buffalo, AND the Jets all vying for New England’s crumbs? Would that these three teams could share the NFC South with the Saints. Dear Lord.

AFC SOUTH

Winner: Indianapolis Colts

Yes, the team that practically borders our northern neighbors will end up winning the geological oddity known as the AFC South. But as tough as this division is going to be, I’m not picking against the Colts. Even if Marvin Harrison did shoot that dude, I’m not picking against the Colts. Just keep repeating that phrase in your head as long as you’re not betting on them in the AFC Championship Game.

Contender: Tennessee Titans

I’m not taking the easy way out in this one, and I may get hammered for not showing love to a very talented Jacksonville team. But the Titans had a slightly better draft than the Jaguars (which is like saying Tab tastes slightly better than moose pee), and they eeked out a playoff spot with 10 wins. You could mark the Titans down a thousand times over if they had taken Texas wide receiver Limas Sweed in the second round of this year's draft, giving Vince a target he was used to in college. Decisions like that seem to make perfect sense, right? Reunite two skill position teammates who won a national title in college is a no-brainer. How come nobody does that if given the opportunity like Tennessee?

And do ask yourself. Vince Young or David Garrard? Always go with the better quarterback.

AFC WEST

Winner: San Diego Chargers

As long as LaDainian Tomlinson doesn’t manage to somehow contract polio, the Chargers should remain the top pick for the AFC West. They seem like they’re getting into the same sort of groove the Patriots and Colts are in; meaning they get it done regular season and find a way into the playoffs. The challenge here will not quite be as difficult as the AFC South, but certainly tougher than the AFC East.

Contender: Kansas City Chiefs

Great googily moogily, this was a tough sell given the quarterbacks have a weaker pulse than former president Gerald Ford (too soon?). But any team that solidifies the defensive line like KC did gets a Nostra-Saints Guy quill of approval, thanks to an incredible draft (having Glenn Dorsey at the five spot is like getting a flat outside the Playboy Mansion) and a great signing (nabbing Jared Allen from the Vikings). The Chiefs did everything right in the offseason.

Stay tuned for the Nostra-Saints Guy NFC predictions to come soon.