**** CHUCK MANGIONE BEGINS TRUMPET FANFARE (and turns it into Feels So Good)****
*Rod: After a 170-day, 19-hour and 42-minute hiatus... Back by not-so-popular demand, The Saints Guy returns to the interweb!!!
*The Saints Guy walks out to the applause of The Saints Babe, his mom and The Saints Pup. It's the Jay Sherman 10th Anniversary Special all over again. Gotta love the readers.*
Thank you! Thank you all so much!
*Rod: You’re playing PUH-LINKOOOOO!!!!!*
That’s enough, Rod. It’s so nice to be back!
*Rod: A NEW CAHRRRRR!!!!!!*
Alright, back to your cage.
Wow, so many people to thank! And they’re both here. Again it’s great to be back.
Sports were fantastic all year long. 2007 was great; 2008 is shaping up to be epic.
So much has happened during The Saints Guy’s hiatus. The playoffs, Super-duper-bowl XLII, and the NFL Draft. The Saints trade up for a stud defensive tackle, and the Falcons signed a kid that hasn’t taken a pro snap to an ungodly contract guaranteeing him $34.75 million that could be worth as much as $72m.
The New York Jersey Giants pulled a biblical sorts of an upset over the Goliathian Patriots (more on this later).
In basketball, our New Orleans Hornets had the feel-good story of the year, and Chris Paul was robbed of the MVP just because we didn’t finish first in the West. Kevin Garnett made the Celtics relevant again, but they can’t seem to win a road playoff game.
The Bay Rays are leading the AL East a fourth of the season through and the “new and improved” Detroit Tigers started 0-7 and still have an atrocious record. The Yankees suck and the $21m (that’s not a lot) Marlins are on or near the top of the NL East.
I took the Saints Babe to
Kansas wins an unbelievable overtime game in the NCAA championship, while the Chicago Bulls pull off lottery upset of the millennium with a 1.7 percent chance to pick No. 1 overall.
The Seattle Supersonics have been held hostage by a power-hungry owner and an irate commissioner. Shaq tried to make broken-down Phoenix a contender, while hockey of all sports is making a comeback.
It’s not just sports, either.
Lost has become the best show on televion (and has been for three years; The Saints Babe and I have finally caught up), and the seventh season of American Idol was outstanding (that was said in all sincerity). Lindsay Lohan will have full-frontal nudity in her new movie to show she’s a “mature actress” (her words), while 15-year-old Miley Cyrus’s camp has already been contacted by Hugh Hefner about a possible photo shoot in the future (Conservative Cyrus’ camp’s response? No comment.).
Barack Obama won the Democratic nomination in what seems like four months ago, but Hilary won’t let him go, which means an Anti-Bush Republican will quite possibly make an upset win because of this.
Coldplay is about to have a new album out, and my favorite superhero growing up (Ironman) had a phenomenal big-screen debut. Grand Theft Auto IV is out and Metal Gear Solid 4 will be out soon, although I have neither right now (throw in the nerd Dom). But the biggest video game news EVER is Online Dynasties in NCAA 2009, meaning I can revive old rivalries with friends that actually grew up.
Yes, what a great time for a comeback. It’s been a long time, and I shouldn’t have left you. May God bless you all. Don't forget the E-mails to saintsguy@gmail.com! First E-mailer will be honored and recognized!
*The Saints Guy blows kisses into the crowd and exits stage right. More applause. Same people.*
*Jeopardy’s Don Pardo’s voice over the P.A.*
*DON: That’s right, Saints Guy, you’re BACK! Ladies and gentlemen, The Saints Guy!”*
